I wish I was a bird…free and independent. I wish I had wings like them, so then no one could hold me, when I wanted to fly away. I wish I was a bird and was taught to fly when I grew up instead of being kept in these shackles of restrictions…
I feel birds are God’s favourite creatures on this earth and only the blessed and luckiest ones get to be born as birds on this earth.
Was I not good enough, so he did not love me enough or choose me not to be born as a bird. But then, why did he give me this wish and desire to fly if he didn’t give me wings ?!Or did he give me those wings but I haven’t found them yet ?!
Maybe he gave me those wings and I can’t see them yet, maybe if I start believing in my power and be a bit more brave, I’ll be able to see those wings..
But it’s getting harder & harder to keep searching for something, which I don’t know is real, which I don’t know for sure that it exists. It’s getting harder because I can’t shut these voices coming from outside telling me that I don’t have those wings, I can’t have those wings and I don’t deserve those wings. And slowly & slowly these voices are getting to me and making me believe them.
How can I keep up this fight with them, when they are so many and I am just all alone standing in front of them. And at times like this, I can’t help it but question myself that..WHY ME ?!
And just then, a voice inside me answers that, because you’re fit for it. But I don’t want to be, though. I want to be supported, I want to be loved, I want to be just enough for them.
This is all but a wierd dilemma I am in, where I know the answer to the WHY, but I still can’t take it. I want to rest, I want to pause, I want to stop. But I can’t…it is as if something invisible is pulling me and making me stand when all I want to do is sit…
I can, now understand very well, why it is said that, Ignorance is a bliss. Only if I did not know the answer to the WHY, I could have begged him to stop all this…
Maybe this is what Life is…is too late to go back to where I came from, now…
But would he accept me, if I go back without finding my wings ?! Only if he came just once and said to me, that I can do this..just once, I might have got the power to do it all. But he doesn’t…or maybe he does. It’s just, I can’t hear him because I am too focused on what the voices from outside are saying…
Maybe I should just stop listening to those voices, no matter how louder they get and peek a bit inside and listen to what he is saying instead. And maybe, if I just do this, it will be enough for me, to find my wings…
